ClevelandClowns.com
Logline of the Day:

Robot gradually replaces girl’s husband as her real husband transfers his memories to it before his Alzheimer’s gets worse.

Logline of the Day:

Robot gradually replaces girl’s husband as her real husband transfers his memories to it before his Alzheimer’s gets worse.

Logline of the Day:

Dying author gives away 365 stories, then frozen; revived 1,000 years later, he learns they’ve become world’s new bible.

Logline of the Day:

Dying author gives away 365 stories, then frozen; revived 1,000 years later, he learns they’ve become world’s new bible.

This week’s featured actress is Cassondra Cyronis. Cassondra plays the ultimate Aaron Richmond fan and travels everywhere he competes on his hit TV show “Man vs Meat.” Only problem is that she can’t afford a tattoo yet, so she sharpies herself each time. She’s waiting for some money at that dancing gig at the Silver Pony in Myrtle Beach to start coming in, but they can’t work around her rigorous schedule. Some day. Ya gotta dream, right?

This week’s featured actress is Cassondra Cyronis. Cassondra plays the ultimate Aaron Richmond fan and travels everywhere he competes on his hit TV show “Man vs Meat.” Only problem is that she can’t afford a tattoo yet, so she sharpies herself each time. She’s waiting for some money at that dancing gig at the Silver Pony in Myrtle Beach to start coming in, but they can’t work around her rigorous schedule. Some day. Ya gotta dream, right?

Philosophy Research for Writing #11 - Socrates
Socrates was more concerned with how people should behave, and so was perhaps the first major philosopher of Ethics. He developed a system of critical reasoning in order to work out how to live properly and to tell the difference between right and wrong. His system, sometimes referred to as the Socratic Method, was to break problems down into a series of questions, the answers to which would gradually distill a solution.

Philosophy Research for Writing #11 - Socrates

Socrates was more concerned with how people should behave, and so was perhaps the first major philosopher of Ethics. He developed a system of critical reasoning in order to work out how to live properly and to tell the difference between right and wrong. His system, sometimes referred to as the Socratic Method, was to break problems down into a series of questions, the answers to which would gradually distill a solution.

Write 8 Real Realities paired with 8 Comic Realities
1. Global conflict: between people and the world - Old Hollywood movie monsters invade Earth to search and kill Bram Stoker.
2. Global conflict: between people and the world - A group of Mars explorers setup a society that hinges on stealing Earth’s natural resources.
3. Between individuals: a comic character vs normal character - An erratic lawyer becomes involved with a hotshot investigator.
4. Between individuals: a comic character vs normal character - An ex-MLB player decides to become a female and falls in love with his (her) ex-coach.
5. Based on inner conflict - A voodoo priestess can’t stop seeing Jesus everywhere she goes.
6. Based on inner conflict - A soldier comes to terms with killing innocent children during a conflict by joining an improvisation class.
7. Good for a cartoon - An alligator fights with a local farmer who is trying to sell the land and swamp around him to a big corporation.
8. Good for a cartoon - A king decides to host an Olympic-type game to decide who will marry his daughter.

Write 8 Real Realities paired with 8 Comic Realities

1. Global conflict: between people and the world - Old Hollywood movie monsters invade Earth to search and kill Bram Stoker.

2. Global conflict: between people and the world - A group of Mars explorers setup a society that hinges on stealing Earth’s natural resources.

3. Between individuals: a comic character vs normal character - An erratic lawyer becomes involved with a hotshot investigator.

4. Between individuals: a comic character vs normal character - An ex-MLB player decides to become a female and falls in love with his (her) ex-coach.

5. Based on inner conflict - A voodoo priestess can’t stop seeing Jesus everywhere she goes.

6. Based on inner conflict - A soldier comes to terms with killing innocent children during a conflict by joining an improvisation class.

7. Good for a cartoon - An alligator fights with a local farmer who is trying to sell the land and swamp around him to a big corporation.

8. Good for a cartoon - A king decides to host an Olympic-type game to decide who will marry his daughter.

Logline of the Day:

The mother-in-law of a jealous cinematographer witnesses a murder on a TV show.
Logline of the Day:

The mother-in-law of a jealous cinematographer witnesses a murder on a TV show.

Rant #27 - August 19, 2014
Football time is here. The single greatest sports season is upon us. MLB playoffs, the start of the NBA season, college football, and of course—the NFL. The supreme burrito of American sports.
A couple things piss me off though. One: fantasy football’s popularity nowadays. I remember a time when it wasn’t such a fukin’ fad. When chicks stayed away from it and nerds scoffed at it because it wasn’t involving cards with health power ups and swords.
Nowadays, chicks are into football because it’s the cool thing to do. Because it’s what ESPN says to do to get the boys to think you’re cool. Nerds play it and they utilize matrices and spheres to figure out which asshole slot receiver’s gonna get a buck fifty this week when they head into Cleveland.
And don’t get me started on Cleveland. Ugh. Just when you think we look like a team that can finally beat Shitsburgh, we go out and embarrass ourselves on national TV. On the biggest stage of ‘em all: Monday Night Football. Johnny Football looked like shit, Bryan Hoyer looked like shit, Joe Haden looked like shit, the entire defense played like they were the Cowboys defense of FY13.
I can’t take it. I refuse to go another year spending hard earned money on these assholes. But the unfortunate reality is that I will. I will sit there and watch a boring ass game because that’s all we know. That’s all we can do. That’s all we’ve done since the dawn of Paul Brown.
But the one thing I do have is pride. Pride to stick with a team because it was my dad’s squad and he passed it down to me. Pride that I was in on it awhile ago and can actually feel the passion and blood run through my veins every Sunday. I’m not one of these asshole posers who buy a jersey and like a fairweather team because it’s the cool thing to do.
Football is too mainstream anymore and it’s kinda sad. I guess I’m just being selfish. I’m just letting the stupid fantasy chicks and nerdy jersey-wearing dorks get the best of me. I’m not gonna be the guy who outsmarts them in a debate. I’m not gonna point it out and tell them how I really feel after I’ve had 8 beers and the Browns are down by 24 to “their” team and halftime’s just ended. Nope. I’m just gonna watch them fake celebrate when they actually are paying attention at the game and not barking their friend’s ear off about the party last night, and I’m gonna get fired up and bitch to my buddies who watch the game with me. We’ll just throw it on the pile of the weekly bitching we do after every Browns. In between talks about how bad the line did and how many penalties the ref threw, I’ll just add “how bout that dumb broad who kept cheering super loud and then didn’t pay attention after the first series? I hate that bitch.” My buddy will say, “yeah but her boobs were huge,” and we’ll all agree and keep moving. Because that’s what we do as a real NFL fan of a losing team: we keep moving. Allegiance. Shit that might be my new fantasy team name. The Cleveland Browns Allegiant Assholes.

Rant #27 - August 19, 2014

Football time is here. The single greatest sports season is upon us. MLB playoffs, the start of the NBA season, college football, and of course—the NFL. The supreme burrito of American sports.

A couple things piss me off though. One: fantasy football’s popularity nowadays. I remember a time when it wasn’t such a fukin’ fad. When chicks stayed away from it and nerds scoffed at it because it wasn’t involving cards with health power ups and swords.

Nowadays, chicks are into football because it’s the cool thing to do. Because it’s what ESPN says to do to get the boys to think you’re cool. Nerds play it and they utilize matrices and spheres to figure out which asshole slot receiver’s gonna get a buck fifty this week when they head into Cleveland.

And don’t get me started on Cleveland. Ugh. Just when you think we look like a team that can finally beat Shitsburgh, we go out and embarrass ourselves on national TV. On the biggest stage of ‘em all: Monday Night Football. Johnny Football looked like shit, Bryan Hoyer looked like shit, Joe Haden looked like shit, the entire defense played like they were the Cowboys defense of FY13.

I can’t take it. I refuse to go another year spending hard earned money on these assholes. But the unfortunate reality is that I will. I will sit there and watch a boring ass game because that’s all we know. That’s all we can do. That’s all we’ve done since the dawn of Paul Brown.

But the one thing I do have is pride. Pride to stick with a team because it was my dad’s squad and he passed it down to me. Pride that I was in on it awhile ago and can actually feel the passion and blood run through my veins every Sunday. I’m not one of these asshole posers who buy a jersey and like a fairweather team because it’s the cool thing to do.

Football is too mainstream anymore and it’s kinda sad. I guess I’m just being selfish. I’m just letting the stupid fantasy chicks and nerdy jersey-wearing dorks get the best of me. I’m not gonna be the guy who outsmarts them in a debate. I’m not gonna point it out and tell them how I really feel after I’ve had 8 beers and the Browns are down by 24 to “their” team and halftime’s just ended. Nope. I’m just gonna watch them fake celebrate when they actually are paying attention at the game and not barking their friend’s ear off about the party last night, and I’m gonna get fired up and bitch to my buddies who watch the game with me. We’ll just throw it on the pile of the weekly bitching we do after every Browns. In between talks about how bad the line did and how many penalties the ref threw, I’ll just add “how bout that dumb broad who kept cheering super loud and then didn’t pay attention after the first series? I hate that bitch.” My buddy will say, “yeah but her boobs were huge,” and we’ll all agree and keep moving. Because that’s what we do as a real NFL fan of a losing team: we keep moving. Allegiance. Shit that might be my new fantasy team name. The Cleveland Browns Allegiant Assholes.

Literary Device #106: Foreshadowing

Literary Device #106: Foreshadowing


Logline of the Day:
A cult of incredulous stunt doubles go on a killing spree and setup the actors they aid on sets.

Logline of the Day:

A cult of incredulous stunt doubles go on a killing spree and setup the actors they aid on sets.

Logline of the Day:
A traffic cop and a professional dancer compete for a local top dancer award.

Logline of the Day:

A traffic cop and a professional dancer compete for a local top dancer award.


Logline of the Day:
A recent divorcee tourist, a local belly dancer, and a study-abroad student life-guard are involved in industrial espionage on a tropical island.

Logline of the Day:

A recent divorcee tourist, a local belly dancer, and a study-abroad student life-guard are involved in industrial espionage on a tropical island.



Philosophy Research for Writing #10 - Pythagoras
Pythagoras believed that all of reality was governed by numbers, and that its essence could be encountered through the study of mathematics.
Philosophy Research for Writing #10 - Pythagoras

Pythagoras believed that all of reality was governed by numbers, and that its essence could be encountered through the study of mathematics.

Logline of the Day:

A cautious student finds the President’s wallet after an assassination attempt.
Logline of the Day:

A cautious student finds the President’s wallet after an assassination attempt.

This week’s featured actors are the Richies, Archdale’s nemeses. They love flaunting the goods and think it’s a shame when the help requests off for stupid reasons like loved one’s surgeries. The nerve to not be present at dinner parties because of stupid liver transplants! The gang here is Bryan Cournoyer, BJ Cohan, and Larry Knoerl. Larry was in the original short film as the disgusted, yet intrigued neighbor.

This week’s featured actors are the Richies, Archdale’s nemeses. They love flaunting the goods and think it’s a shame when the help requests off for stupid reasons like loved one’s surgeries. The nerve to not be present at dinner parties because of stupid liver transplants! The gang here is Bryan Cournoyer, BJ Cohan, and Larry Knoerl. Larry was in the original short film as the disgusted, yet intrigued neighbor.


List 3 Strong Comic Characters Containing a Strong Comic Perspective, Flaws, Humanity, and Exaggeration:
1. Tina Sniverly is zany and outgoing, but includes everyone on the invitation to the party.
2. Eric Bennett is a wannabe athlete testing the patience of those who surround him with his constant barking. He would be annoying, except he helps out others and inspires them with his hard work ethic.
3. Eli Peyton is a moody manager who expects a little too much from his employees. They would hate him if it weren’t for the fact that he’s single-handedly saving the firm from bankruptcy by the evil partners.

List 3 Strong Comic Characters Containing a Strong Comic Perspective, Flaws, Humanity, and Exaggeration:

1. Tina Sniverly is zany and outgoing, but includes everyone on the invitation to the party.

2. Eric Bennett is a wannabe athlete testing the patience of those who surround him with his constant barking. He would be annoying, except he helps out others and inspires them with his hard work ethic.

3. Eli Peyton is a moody manager who expects a little too much from his employees. They would hate him if it weren’t for the fact that he’s single-handedly saving the firm from bankruptcy by the evil partners.