DAY 151: Write about something you’ve never written about before.
MT. OLIVE COLLEGE - (add in relish somewhere) Mount Olive’s right down the street. Yeah, let’s give it up for the over salted pickles! Yeah! Let’s just salt the shit outta these things. Yeah ya gotta get Mt Olive pickles, cause you know they’re not Vlasic. And eatin Vlasic’s too mainstream! Can’t go with the frontrunner, nahh. How bout the college they got. Mt. Olive college. Oh, I got pickling 101 this semester, that’ll be a breeze. Oh that’s great, cause I got vinegars of the world 407…that’s gonna be rough. Oh, I wonder where we’ll learn “how not to have any sales ever on our pickles”. Canning and jarring 407 will be pretty easy. Cucumber growing. Whole vs bite sized: The ongoing battle. Pitted vs unpitted olives. Black vs green olives and the crazy mixup that once was. (Add in more shit about the supermarket too).
MT. OLIVE COLLEGE - Mount Olive’s right down the street. Yeah, let’s give it up for the over salted pickles! Yeah! Let’s just salt the shit outta these things, cause that’s all we want! SALT! “Yeah ya gotta get Mt Olive pickles, cause you know they’re not Vlasic. And eatin Vlasic’s too mainstream bro! Can’t go with the frontrunner.” Mlaaaahhhh. How bout the college they got. Mt. Olive College. “Oh, I got pickling 101 this semester, that’ll be a breeze.” “You’re lucky, I got vinegars of the world 407…that’s gonna be rough.” Oh, I wonder where we’ll learn “how not to have any sales ever on our pickles”. Are you kiddin me? “Yeah ma, I got psychology this semester. The psychology behind canning and jarring 407…will be pretty easy.” You got extra credits to do some cucumber growing in your dorm. “What’s your thesis on bud?” “Whole vs bite sized: The ongoing battle.” “That’s cool. I went with pitted and unpitted, the black vs green olives mixup that once was.” I’ll tell ya. You got professors dissecting fucking relish bits.
DAY 145: Father’s Day is about three weeks away! Start fixing up this material now.
My ole man is awesome. He’s such a character. I enjoy living close to him these days and being able to hang out with him and golf once a month, at least. I love going to places with him where there’s a small issue with something and watching him get riled up. I’ll be like “sorry, my dad hates when you run out of cocktail sauce, as you can tell” or “sorry, my dad likes the spot right next to the entrance, and you were in his way.” He’ll also say these little gems that you have to catch about day-to-day life. He loves rippin on morons, as do I. He also loves baggin on bad sports, as do I. He enjoys getting fired up over shitty commercials, shows and movies, as do I. Come to think about it, I would actually consider myself a Jr. Bob. I feel like I’ve adapted all my mannerisms and behavioral patterns from my dad. I get overheated at the drop of a dime, I hate when it’s cart path only and I can’t stand cop shows where a broad is pulling out a gun. With all that being said, I’m gonna work on some good bits about my ole man, because I think the world would enjoy his humor as I’ve come to do. More about this coming soon enough.
Also, above is a video featuring my ole man watching our favorite Ohio State Buckeyes play the Michigan Wolverines. This is where I get my sports passion from, FYI.
I had a roommate in college that was an odd guy. He would lock me out when he’d beat off. But the funny thing is, is that he would play music, dim the lights, light some candles and lotion himself up with various oils and creams. Like it’s a god dam Aztec ritual or something. I mean, he would lock me out and I’d actually hear this eclectic, worldly, Hindu twang music (imitate music). When I crank one out, it’s like 2 minutes. It took him up to 3 hours! What the hell is going on in there? Is he performing some sacrifice with his boner as the little lambey? “I hearby commence that the sacrificial woody will be dispensed with this renounced load.” I’d literally be waiting in our neighbor’s room until the ceremony was over. I’d come in and be like “it took you over an hour to a Maxim?” Christ, if you’re gonna treat this like it’s a day of observance, can’t you at least pop on a Salt & Peppa video and make it worth the wait?
Yet another non-creative outlet for me to accomplish this week, but another gem in that it’s always best to be organized so I’m not taking to long to find what I’m looking for (even when the SEARCH box isn’t quite finding what I need). Because my humor articles were already organized and my screenwriting ones weren’t, I decided to arrange the latter. Also, for the picture above, I chose one of my favorite covers from my favorite magazine growing up: Cracked. I remember going to Drug Mart in Brunswick, OH with my mom and getting the newest one as often as I could.