DAY 310: Write a short story with you as the protagonist.
I decided to use my moral dilemma sketch I wrote back in the Second City writing lab days. I will play Jim, the protagonist. Again, don’t worry about format, as this is a blog, and you’re a dick if you do.
TED: Jim! Welcome! Glad you made it on time. C’mon, I’ll give you the nickel tour on our way to your first meeting!
JIM: Wow! The Pentagon! I can’t believe I got the job. Thank you! Thank you very much!
TED: Oh, no problem! I mean, you were the most qualified and this requirement has been open for months! We needed to get someone in your role QUICK before it washed!
Ted leads Jim though the corridor and points out which room is which.
TED: And now here we are. Now Jim, remember. This is confidential. What you are about to see is not viewed by anyone without security clearance level Purple, let alone civilians like your wife or family.
JIM: My wife passed away a year ago from cancer.
TED: Aw! I’m so sorry to hear that.
JIM: No, no—-it’s fine. It’s just tough somedays.
TED: Well what you are about to see may not go over as well as expected.
Ted opens the door and reveals multiple cubicles of information.
JIM: AIDS cure…Jimmy Hoffa’s body! Kennedy assassination!
TED: Yep! This here is where all the magic happens. This is what we call the “Hollywood Room.”
JIM: Scandal! Holy shit!
JIM: Oh. Oh. Cancer’s cure. I see.
TED: Yeah…sorry Jim! It’s just that we make so much money off of research, the treatment programs, and government funds and all the red tape, I mean. I mean it’s hard I know, but it’s real.
JIM: How long?
TED: About 8 years now.
JIM: Excuse me for a moment.
Jim collects himself. Obviously he’s getting fired up. Enters Aaron.
AARON: Excuse me sir!
AARON: What should I do with this new cancer research we concocted last week? This is that thing we were talking about how we can cure cancer in terminal stages, or whatever.
JIM (under breath): Huh?
TED: Uh, remind me again —- where did we leave off?
AARON: Uh last was the checklist of the people receiving the cure. We need to still contact the White House for their list, but we need to make sure we’re supplying this stuff to those on the list! And like, this week sir!
TED: Ahhh, right, right, right, right, right. Um…well! Um, how about we do a PowerPoint presentation this afternoon? We can discuss that and the government’s secret bank account withdrawal policy. Call the other side of Washington and ask if we can squeeze it in today between the American Cancer Society meeting and the Sasquatch/Roswell forum.
AARON: Right away sir.
JIM: You people make me sick! My poor wife laid there suffering and all we did was pray that someone blessed enough would find a cure in time! I should’ve known!
TED: Well unfortunately nothing can bring her back! I mean, except for the Fountain of Youth serum we have over in Unit DDDXXX, but that is at an all time low and we wont have any missionaries making that trip for another 3 or 4 years…so it’s real sporadic…but really, there is nothing we can do. So let’s get going to our meeting. Try to deal with the circumstances—-this isn’t run like an Applebees! We need you on your A game all the time!
Jim drags his head and walks behind Ted a little slower. They enter the conference room.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
TED: Everyone! This is Jim!
Jim greets everyone and takes a seat.
TED: Tell them about yourself!
JIM: Well…I’m a hard-working, single parent trying to make ends meet, while trying to teach the values of being an honest person to my young ones.
The room roars with laughter.
TED: Well I think he meant the values of being a pleasant, civilized person.
JIM: No! I meant honest. And I mean it. I can’t believe you people sit here and have all this information at your disposal, and for what? To keep it bottled up from the general population?
TED: Well I mean, it’s what’s best for them. The general population is a group of fools. They cant handle this kind of information.
JIM: Right. Sure. They couldn’t handle having antibiotics that can cure them from disease. They don’t want to know what’s out there beyond the moon. They don’t want to know about celebrity scandals! Sure, right! I can’t believe this! I really cant!
TED: So what are you saying?
JIM: I think I’m saying that you might need to reopen that requirement and find someone a little more suitable for this job, from a moral standpoint.
TED: Are you sure? There’s no turning back once you back out on us!
JIM: Yes. Please accept my withdrawal.
TED: Very well.
Ted then pushes a buzzer that immediately smokes Jim into disintegration.