DAY 240: Go outside and write a bit.
I’m in Cleveland and all I see are hopeful fans. One thing that bugs me though is that our Indians owner, Dolan, thinks nothing’s wrong with the Tribe? He says “oh, we made $10K last year. That’s good money!” Are you fucking serious?! What we need to do is get rid of Dolan, then work our way down. First thing’s first. Get rid of Slider. Fuck him as a mascot. What the fuck is he anyways? A bird? A dinosaur jacked up on acid? I remember a time in high school when he came to a rally, shot off hot dogs as he is so famously known for doing, and we just threw the dogs back at him. Sure we got yelled at as a school, but man you shoulda saw his face. It looks the same as it always does, but it looked hilarious on him that day. I say, ban him and bring on a real Native American Indian. From Arizona! And have Friday scalping days. We literally scalp a fucking human during the 7th inning stretch at 2nd base. Not only a human though, but a fugitive. We’ll post his picture in the Plain Dealer during Sunday’s edition and have fans scouring the town to find the dude, just so we fill 44,000 seats on Friday. I mean, our mascot can be the Native American guy on horseback, holding a fucking human head, dripping with blood down his arm, as he battle cries for us to hit the ribbie in the bottom of the third. That’s how it should be. Oh Cleveland. City of lights, city of magic.