DAY 42: Pick a bit. Try to write a topper for them—not tags, but full-blown jokes that improve the bit by being there.

A topper is a joke that comes after a joke.  The topper tends to be funnier than the previous joke.  These 2 bits than link together to help improve your overall set.

Original Joke:

RELEASE PARTIES: Saw the Playstation 3 price went down.  Still cant afford it. I mean I gotta cash in grandma’s bonds and refi just to be able to make the down payment on this fukin thing.  Meanwhile some untalented 16 year old pop shithead is singing about puppies and hula hoops walking around with diamond shoelaces that cost more than my old man made at GM working for over 30 years, is getting these Playstations two @ a time at some asanine release party…and why do we have release parties…DVD release parties, CD release parties…some people in Canada are still having VHS release parties…soon they’re gonna be like “Hey! Lets have a release party, Swingline’s gotta new stapler comin out…My Indian neighbor just invited me over to his release party of the new curry spice that’s gonna stink up my apt. hallway… And in case any of u ladies are interested, I brought some KY Jelly so u can meet me in the stall and we can go have our own little release party.

Topper:

TENTING LIKE A MORON: It’s terrible how much these gaming systems cost.  I mean some some people are sitting outside for days waiting for the next best thing.  These fuckin morons are out there in tents on a Wednesday and the system doesn’t even go on sale till Friday. The best is that half these idiots are waiting for absolutely nothing! You got 100 people in tents with only 30 Wii’s available for sale. No food or water for the majority of them. They gotta have idiots making Taco Bell runs cause they lost in rock paper scissors. You better hope somebody in line is Red Bulled up and stayin awake, so you assholes don’t get killed.  Cause in some of those random Texas towns people are getting killed by either other assholes in line or by the hillbillies who live near the damn Best Buy.   I can see the hillbillies now. They come running outta the mountains and while everyone’s all zonked out at 4 AM, they start gnawing on your hairline.  The dad’s looking at his inbred son (imitate hillbilly) “you better eat that arm there boy, cause those city folks ain’t waking up.  Yes father.”  Next thing you know you’re waking up and BA-LOW!  You get a shotgun to the face.  Then we’re all reading about 17 people dead and eaten at a Best Buy and cops got no traces.  But good news!  There’s plenty of Wii’s available!

DAY 25: Free associate on what’s going on in your life right now. Don’t worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff to use for later.

You probably will read more and more about my weight loss.  It is something I have taken very seriously and tends to be the highlight of my annoying conversations these days.  But man does it feel good and I continue to press on until I reach my goal weight (67 pounds away).

So this post will be a direct correlation to my sudden boost of energy and willingness to try out more physical endurance and activities.  I began with just walking. Then jogging. Now…wait for it, wait for it…boxing?

Oh yeah, boxing.  I always wanted to try it.  I respect it as a sport and consider it one of the hardest sporting feats to accomplish. I myself am a high-wired guy.  I grab life and grab it hard.  But sometimes I need to just let out a large yell or scream and sometimes I just wanna bash something in.  That’s just how I am.  I hate it, but anger management is definitely something I’ve stuggled with and feel am getting better at controlling.  So what better way to let out my aggression than by punching some shit. 

So I tried out my first one-on-one and it went well.  I got my cardio ass kicked.  Didn’t get hit too hard (just some taps to the head to show that I let my guard down), but holy hell did I sweat…and move!  I learned how to throw jabs with both arms and how to “dance” in the ring.  I also learned how to keep my guard up.  My next session is Thursday so I’m real pumped to keep my training up.

In honor of my newest hobby, I posted the always hilarious training scene from the 1987 Nintendo gem “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out”.

Who knows, maybe I get back onto a softball team this year too?