DAY 61: Fat Tuesday is coming up! Write a bit about it.
Well, Fat Tuesday was last week but fuck it. Here we go.
FAT TUESDAY: Ah yes, the 2nd favorite holiday for us gluttons. I like to call it Big-Boned Tuesday, really. I mean who doesn’t like to devote a day to officially being an overweight and ignorant American? It’s the best. Grab a dozen paczki and sprinkle some powder all over your head, then shake it in glory! Today’s the day where when someone says “You shouldn’t eat all that, think of the hungry people”, you take a donut hole and try to hit her eye from across the room. When someone says “Oh, I can’t because of my diabetes,” you take a piece of pizza, blot the top of it, and smack it onto his face until it sticks to them. If someone says “I can’t because of my Weight Watcher’s points,” hold that person into locked position and force feed Gouda down her throat. If a skinny person mocks you on this day, take off your shirt and stare at them with your best rapist face. Then continue to smear Nutella on your nipples. Then dip a cookie over that Nutella to clean it off your chest. Then eat half the cookie. Take the other half and put that into some milk. Blend the milk with raw eggs and drink it in front of that dumbass. Celebrate your fat scars, baby! It’s our day!
Above is a 2nd prank phone call video to Walmart.