DAY 67: Rework an old bit you want to work better.

Former:

PHOBIA – Everyone’s gotta a phobia, right?  (snobby girl) –“ I hate spiders” (Mikey like’s it) – “I’m scared of heights.” Mine’s a little different. Mine’s the fear of being embarrassed for someone who tells a really shitty joke in front of me and a small crowd of people.  I get real nervous for people who suck at telling stories and I gotta be in front of them.  I mean why does it have to be me who has to feel obligated to FAKE LAUGH?  And then the worst is the whole time I’m fake laughing, I begin analyzing the fake laugh.  I’m like “is this a good fake laugh face?  Am I showing too much teeth?  Better close my lips over my gums a little…uh, oh!   They might be catching on, better think of something funny to make u really laugh…quick!  Uh….(DO A CALLBACK HERE FROM PREVIOUS JOKE)”

Latter:

PHOBIA – Everyone’s gotta a phobia, right?  (snobby girl) –“ I hate spiders” (Mikey like’s it) – “I’m scared of heights.” Mine’s a little different. Mine’s the fear of being embarrassed for someone who tells a really shitty joke in front of me and a small crowd of people.  I get real nervous for people who suck at telling stories and I gotta be in front of them.  I mean why does it have to be me who has to feel obligated to FAKE LAUGH?  And then the worst is the whole time I’m fake laughing, I begin analyzing the fake laugh.  I’m like “is this a good fake laugh face?  Am I showing too much teeth?  Better close my lips over my gums a little…uh, oh!   They might be catching on, better think of something funny to make u really laugh…quick!  Uh….(DO A CALLBACK HERE FROM PREVIOUS JOKE).” Sometimes you just wanna tell that person “Hey, cut your story now bud, because no one’s listening.”  You start feeling like you’ve gotta wait for the chance to bark and tell your story.  You just wait for the silence to come over so you can get a crack at it.  Hopefully you’ll deliver, so you can look back at the bad storyteller and be like “Classes are on Mondays at 8:00, if you wanna learn how not to be an idiot.”  You wonder if these people really have no inkling that they’re just a shithead to talk to.  Like is their brain saying “Just keep talking, just keep talking.  I’ve got a nugget comin soon enough.”  It’s like these people just have conversations all day with their dog and think “Well, Barnaby liked this story, so I’m definitely gonna tell it this weekend.” I mean Christ!  Here, here’s a quarter, fucking buy a clue man.

Above is yet another video from the vault.  It is a spoof on Michael Vick during his dog fighting days. I initially had dogs as the theme, but it turned into worms when we further discussed the script with the crew.  This was my first official big shoot (Hummer Sales video from yesterday was a smaller crew, but technically was my first shoot with outside parties), because it did have many players as well as some crew members in it.  I think it’s kinda “eh,” but there are some many moments and inside jokes between my wife and I that make it great for us.

DAY 51: Pick a bit from your premise file and fully develop it today.

DRIVING IN NORTH CAROLINA: God dammit, I hate people who drive like shit.  And North Carolina is notorious for shitty drivers.  You know what I don’t get? The written portion of the driver’s ed test in this state.  In North Carolina, you actually have to know parts of the car to pass the test.  “Oh, I failed the driver’s test because I didn’t know what side the carburetor is on” I once heard from someone, but you know what the moron next to me passed it and this person can’t drive even if they were given a god damn Xbox controller to move the car around.  I wanna run for office in North Carolina.  My first promise to the people is to change the laws of how you get your license.  Because I don’t want anymore fucking morons on the road. “NO NEW IDIOTS!”

Above is one of my randomest and strangest videos ever: Clams Casino.

DAY 19: Expand your least-developed piece.

FACEBOOK: Here’s a typical introduction at a party in Wilmington.  “Hi guys, this is my friend Matt” “Hi Matt. Im Frank” “Nice to meet you Frank.  I think we know each other.” “Yeah, we’re Facebook friends” “Right, of course. Sorry about that, Frank.” It’s like shit Frank, sorry I didn’t remember who you were out of all my other 1100 virtual friendships I got going on.  And then there’s Alex.  Alex is the guy who calls you out when you didn’t accept his friendship.  “Well it’s nice to meet you Matt, I’m Alex. You’d probably know me if you would’ve accepted my friendship. Bahahaha.” And then there’s Cary.  She’s the one who knows all your Kevin Bacon connections.  “Hi Matt, I’m Cary.  We’re both friends with Eric. He’s your cousin’s landlord in Boston.” Then there’s Devin. He’s the guy who always manages to know when you just jump on Facebook, because he starts nailing you on a chat. “Hey Matt, it’s Devin. Didn’t expect all this rain today, huh?” “No Devin, I didn’t. I can’t wait to see what other pointless shit we’re gonna talk about for the next 12 minutes. Then there’s Eddie.  Eddie’s all of us.  Eddie’s the guy who gets home and starts creepin’ on ya. Eddie likes to look for the bikini pictures or enjoys seeing how hot your friends are.

DAY 10: Edit some of your older material.

I decided to rework some old jokes that worked in the past and I feel can be used still today, because it didn’t lose relevance in the past 3 years. Also, pictured above is a shot of my buddy Todd at last week’s open mic I went to. He’s a ham. Here’s the joke (again, can’t show the progress because I rewrote the joke over the old joke and only saved one file): 

CAPITAL OF MONTANA: Can anyone actually name a city in Montana?  Exactly!  That’s why I think they should change the name of the capital to Joe.  Right?  Then everyone would know it for sure…I mean c’moooon…who wouldn’t remember a capital with the name taken from a 3 time MVP, 4-time Super Bowl winner with a guest spot on Saturday Night and over 40,000 passing yards?  I mean wouldn’t it be great to see Jeopardy and say “Uh…WHAT is Joe Montana”